My posts
You can subscribe to receive new posts via email here.
Whoops! Let’s try this again.
Published: 2024-03-28
Having finally seen a psychiatrist this week to look into my serious mental health symptoms, I’ve finally been given a diagnosis and treatment plan—I have Complex PTSD, which is honestly what I began to realise I had already. But it’s definitely a big jump from thinking you have something, to a trained professional telling you that, yes, your brain is really that fucked up. In Safe Mode, I explained how this affects how I interact with the world every day. Emotions feel too intense to the point
Reading time: 2 minutes
Read
safe mode
Published: 2024-02-14
Safe mode is a feature in Windows where your computer boots up in a basic state, with most features and abilities disabled. It’s intended as a way to safely rule out bad settings and rogue hardware drivers that can be causing issues, and give you a more stable place to start fixing things. As a result, what you’re able to do when you’re in safe mode is rather limited. My brain has been in safe mode for the last year. Every little thing, every perceived “threat”, any time where there is a lot o
Reading time: 2 minutes
Read
The existential fear of rejection
Published: 2023-08-21
I signed up for my second round of therapy with the goal of managing and breaking out of a depressive spiral. In the first appointment, my therapist predicted that my depression is powered by anxiety alone, and by tackling that, it would lead to much better management of my depression. The next session she made a conjecture that my anxiety was built on the fear of rejection and abandonment. So er, turns out she was right. On both counts. Working through feelings and my behavioural patterns and
Reading time: 4 minutes
Read
Surviving
Published: 2023-07-04
Content warning for strong depression themes, mentions of suicide It wasn’t until the last couple of weeks, that I was fully able to comprehend that just getting through life makes you a survivor. I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety for years and years, and it came to a head earlier in 2023. I’ve missed so much time with my friends, at work, and with my hobbies over the last couple of months especially. Last week, I began the third attempt at finding a medicine that works to allev
Reading time: 3 minutes
Read
on my mind
Published: 2023-06-12
This is a follow up to the post I wrote a few weeks ago (Committing To A Better Me). Content warnings for depression themes and mentions of suicide. About five weeks ago, I finally reached out to my doctor about my symptoms of depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation. They gave me a referral to a therapist, nearly two months off work, and a prescription for an anti depressant, sertraline. The next couple of weeks were extremely tough as I was dealing with both my own breakdown and adjusting t
Reading time: 5 minutes
Read